Welcome! This little collection of insanity was spawned when a group of people with E-Mail accounts got bored and started mailing messages to each other. Needless to say, this quickly got out of hand and the following conversations were the result. You have been warned.
In the beginning, there were four of us. However Pete went strange and no longer speaks to the rest of us (was it something we said? Did?) so now we are down to three. Occasionally we also go by the names Agent Calvin (Andi), Agent Hobbes (Phil) and Tyrannosaurus Rex in F15 (Adi) - These are the Calvin Files. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent as there are NO innocent!
There is also a selection of notes at the bottom of this page explaining some of the
references given in the main section.
| Maelstrom Soup | A discussion on the creation of pocket dimensions using soup and bread products. (23.58 ARGs) |
| Aboriginal Airships | Ayres Rock? Stone monolith or airship hanger. (20.58 ARGs) |
| Cheese Beetles | Just how do they get the holes in Swiss Cheese? (33.29 ARGs) |
| The Fortnightly Curse | When life dumps on you every two weeks... Talk about punctuation! (25.46 ARGs) |
| Loud Banging in the Night | Thunderstorms and Gladiators! What did you think? |
| Magical Car Stories | Of computer games and sidekicks. |
| Cars and Girls | Jealous? Moi? |
| Jokes for the Insane | They're coming to take me away... |
| Help Desk | Who you gonna call? Not Adi certainly... |
| Megaslideosaurus | Watch out! Rampaging playground equipment! |
| Patio Badminton | When home improvements and sport collide. |
| Extra-Dimensional CDs | New cars, CD players and Giant Squids... |
Note: No disrespect is intended to Mr. Bill Watterson in using the names Calvin and Hobbes in the following pages as everybody involved in producing these conversations is a great fan of his work.
| Afghan Hounds and Other Animals | How much is that doggie in the window? |
| Hare Krishna | It's a conspiracy I tell ya! |
| Dirty Macs | And our reporter is on the scene... |
| Rocks and Holidays | Carry protection at all times. |
| Tupperware I | How to keep your Zebra fresh. |
| Tupperware II | Danger high flying chickens. |
| The Great Escape | Da da, da da dada, dada de da de da de dada....... |
After much discussion it has been decided that a unit representing the amount of surreality present at any given time is needed. It is proposed that a unit know as the ARG be used and this is defined as follows:-
One ARG is equal to a single occurence of surreality in a thousand words
or
One ARG is equal to a single occurence of surreality over a period of one minute
Originally, all the people involved lived in the town of Basingstoke, in the north of Hampshire, England.This means quite a few of the places mentioned are in or near Basingstoke.Also, due to work circumstances, Phil had to move out of the area and now lives just south of Leighton Buzzard in Bedfordshire, and works in Hemel Hempstead in Hertfordshire.The following places have been mentioned:
Newbury, a town about fifteen miles north-west of Basingstoke.
Kempshott, a suburb of Basingstoke.
The Kestrel, a tavern of low repute in Kempshott.
Bramley, a village about six miles north of Basingstoke.
Have you ever wondered why people who own Mercedes cars are all such bad drivers? Well, so have I, and I've come up with the following theory to explain it. It's quite simply really - They're all a bunch of Wankers! With one hand on the steering wheel and the other playing with themselves, of course they won't drive properly, what with not concentrating, slippery hands and if they get particularly excited, smeared windscreens as well!
This explains why they drive too slowly, don't indicate when turning, take up all of the road and pull out in front of you. It might also explain why the Princess of Wales's car crashed.
A long time ago, it was noticed by the people participating in these E-mail conversations that the standard of jokes was slipping. To prevent a lynching, any jokes, witticisms or puns that could be deemed truly awful had to be given a five minute advanced warning before being read.
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This Page was created on 13th August, 1998
Updated on the 17th of May, 1999