PETE:

Was "Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport" an anthem for bestiality?

ADI:

No, it's a little known fact that in the Aboriginal language, Kangaroo means BIG AIRSHIP. In ages past, before White man settled and oppressed the working masses, the native Aussies built huge airships out of Mousious Springynous (Hopping Mouse). Due to an unfortunate translation problem, the hopping mouse was named by the invaders, "The Kangaroo".

All the airships were destroyed by the White man since he thought they were Haggi Gigantictus (Giant Haggis), this being one of the reasons they were so far from home, they couldn't abide haggis. Rolf Harris, being a near God to the Aborigines, was passed this secret information on faith. But, like any White man, he saw the riches he could make so he instantly sold out to commercialism, spurning the Aboriginal population.

For an encore, he attempted to take over the world with the Stylophone (Noisious Racitous) which was programmed to explode whenever "Two Little Boys" was played on it. However, since no recognizable tune can EVER be played on one, the attempt failed

PHIL:

This explains the Digeridoo (Dronus Continuous). These were once used to inflate these huge airships, which I believe were used to travel down the Dream Paths to visit their neighbours during the Dreamtime.

Another reason that all the airships were destroyed is that the first settlers saw the Aborigines inflating the airships with a number of digeridoos and thought that a giant set of Bagpipes (Catus Strangulus) were going to be played. Eager to prevent this, they burst the partially inflated airships and prevented the Aborigines from going next door to get a jar of Nescafe (Cafinus Joltus). It was in revenge that the Aborigines gave Rolf Harris the Stylophone and they've been laughing ever since.

ADI:

I shouldn't tell you this since it's an Aboriginal secret, but there is one Kangaroo airship left.

Out in the desert, underneath a tarpaulin covered with paper mache, lies the Great Woomalomoo Dream Ship. This was used to ferry supplies of Nescafe along the Dream Paths. Nowadays, the site is known as Ayres Rock (or Touritor Trapyitus).

It is feared that the countless flash photography of the Japanese tourists will eventually blanche the paint, so the Aborigine Elders are currently drawing up plans for a great night time painting spree.

PHIL:

Actually, I had heard of this, I believe the Aboriginal name for Ayres Rock is "Ayria Fiftiwon" and it probably explains why that when I climbed Ayres Rock, it didn't feel very stable and kept shifting in the wind.

The camera theory also explains why the rock changes colour during the day - It's because more tourists turn up in the evening to look at the rock and thus more camera flashes. Simple when you think about it.

PETE:

Seriously Guys, it's the involvement of the Digeridoo in Aboriginal society that we should worry about. (It's a musical instrument, YEAH RIGHT!)

ADI:

Neither is a Vacuum Cleaner or a saw, but people play them. You see, as already discussed, the Digeridoo is an AIRSHIP INFLATER, its use as a musical instrument is a cunning ploy to divert tourists away from the fact and to keep the aviation experience of the ancient Aborigines a secret.

Back?

This page was created on the 10th July 1998